Mitzylplex

Alienation

mitzylplix — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 06:45:43 +0000

i went to see a psychiatrist today. maybe she can prescribe some meds for me. my head hurts from think and racing about too much. sometimes i can hear voices from the flashbacks in the military. and my eyes hurt. a lot of psychological / neurological stuff has been happening to me lately. sometimes, i don’t know if i’m going crazy or not.

Coagulation

mitzylplix — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:46:17 +0000

i officially joined thehellblog today and made my introduction post. i don’t much care for writing in complete grammar here than i do with thehellblog, becuz that site is more public that mine. i called roxy from the airport to remind her to pick up ethan at school. nothing new today. the dreams are becoming less in intensity. i don’t remember some of them. Caldwell called me and asked if i was having weird dreams. i told him yeah. he’s having them too becuz Guadarama, Spitalnik, Jones, Heyhurst, Lovato and all the other guys from the 101 are having weird dreams. Caldwell said that three of them committed suicide cuz they couldn’t take the dreaming anymore. they were just too vivid. but three guys killing themselves over dreams.

fucking hell. i haven’t told roxy about my dreams, just only my brother.

that’s the thing about the internet; i can post what i’m feeling with utter honesty, yet remain anonymous while i’m at it since no one will ever know who i am, with the exception of those who i choose to come near me and into my mind.

Lucidity

mitzylplix — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:39:31 +0000

i had an even stranger dream. my job requires that i be mobile. so i am. sometimes, i get so tired that i pull over to the side of the road or at a park or parking lot and sleep. my older brother, the one that lives here with me in arizona, has the same problem. he lives a hundred miles south of me in tucson. he works in a mental hospital. i work with dying people.

i’ll post more when i get the chance. i just got a call from a case manager about a referral.

Mediation

mitzylplix — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:27:13 +0000

i’m on my work laptop emailing roxy. i’m worried. before i left for work this morning, she was still in bed with a stomach ache. she said she’ll be ok. i think she was lying to me because i text her and she didn’t text back. she usually does. maybe she’s just in the bathroom and her phone’s in the other room. or maybe she’s asleep and her phone is on vibrate mode. either way, i’m still worried. roxy’s a bit broken and a frail worman and i’m on the other end; totally healthy, fit and strong.

i had a dream about her the other day before the early morning flight. i dreamt my brother and i were arguing and then we broke out in to hitting each other. fist after fist. she came into the room to see what the noise was about and she got hit.

i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately. which is why i started this blog. just to get a hold of myself.

Gravation

mitzylplix — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:47:44 +0000

the drive back home was a long one as usual. i was irritated with roxy and traffic, but mostly with traffic. i’m rarely irritated with my girlfriend. she’s a calming influence on me.

i had this weird dream last night.

in it, i was a soldier in world war three, but we weren’t fighting another country. the united states and all the countries in the world were no longer, but one big entire new world order of some sort. countries were renamed in sectors, sections.

i remember i wasn’t a very smart soldier because i kept questioning myself if i was supposed to be there or not. i was either stoned or on mushrooms. i remember following this saudi or pakistani soldier who was telling me what not to step on. once, he was far ahead of me, i stepped on a claymore wire and it set off a series of bombs. then a machine gun went off by itself. i tried to pick it up, but it was just flailing too wildly about. i put my backpack on it but realized it only muffled and deflected the bullets. i didn’t know our backpacks were made of a heavy bulletproof resistant material.

in the war, i was not fighting other soldiers, but nations banded together to fight a common enemy: towering war machines which looked like tracked vehicles with arms and a central head. no one knew where these machines came from, but we all guessed they were from another planet. the saudi soldier shoved me along and he told that our squad was to meet up with the main battalion the other side of the ridge.

i saw an open field with two war machines being attacked by earth’s military vehicles. i saw a bunker with laser cannons firing repeatedly at one war machine. we called them TORs. one TOR was toppling over which was because a tank ladened with explosives blew up under one of its tracks. the leg buckled and disintegrated into a million shards of metal. before it hit the ground, it released a dozen or so human-sized mini bots. i saw in the bunker a familiar face, but i couldn’t remember her name. she was a commander of some sort telling from the insignias on her shoulder boards. she grabbed a laser rifle and told me to duck down. i saw red tracers whizz pass my ears.

and the dream ended because i woke up and had to take a leak.

dammit.

Thursday

mitzylplix — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 05:50:01 +0000

had an hour layover in LAX. roxy and I ate at this airport restaurant, The Grillhouse, whose food wasn’t at all good by any standards. then i told her i had to use the restroom. i think i lost two pounds from all the food i’ve eaten the previous day. we ate til we boarded the itty bitty United plane whose seats looked like they were ripped off a bus. she had a window seat and i had an aisle seat. our flight attendant, vanessa, was a blond who wore a white blouse, blue skirt and stockings with her short pumps.

i couldn’t wait til we touched down in phoenix.